Three Squirrels

I’m long on bloggable material (two movies and three books, including this beguiling wonder) and short on time. So I’m going with St. John the Optimist.

John’s an optimist.

An irrepressible optimist.

You cannot keep that man down.

No matter (to quote a funny friend) how hard you try.

Sometimes I get a very precise image of his optimism: It’s a daisy, popping up in a field of grass. Things looking less than ideal? Sproing! John’s optimism pops up and bobs its pretty, sunshiney head.


Recently, John’s office moved from Berkeley to Emeryville. Their new digs are much larger and far swankier, so although they’ve got the desks and cubes in place and are fully operational, it’ll take some time to fill in the side tables, meeting-room credenzas, and wall hangings. And as Director of Operations, John is involved in this process.

So the other day, John and his boss head out to Ikea to score some auxiliary furniture. The boss cannot know that Ikea is a MAJOR MELTDOWN ZONE for John, where within about ten minutes he can be relied upon to deliquesce into a puddle of goo. I don’t love Ikea, either—nothing like the largest box store on Earth to mercilessly beat down your will to live—but sometimes, you gotta do. (Our strategy, other than avoidance, tends to be either warp speed or hand-holding.)

So anyways, the mission does not succeed. In fact, though John manages to keep it together perfectly well for whatever duration, his boss goes into a mini-spiral, and they come out on the other side of searching for major set pieces with nothing but a few desk lamps. Three, to be exact.

“I feel like we went hunting for boar and came back with a squirrel,” John’s boss says morosely.

“No,” says John. “Three squirrels.”


Thank you, Universe, for giving me a daisy of a husband.

2 Responses to “Three Squirrels”

  1. […] As I’m sure I’ve made clear, John is an optimist. […]

  2. […] (Ikea in particular is a five-minute meltdown. Five minutes! Until John implodes! You can’t even get past the couches!) […]

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