Lonesome Quill

Did anyone else hear the Terry Gross interview with historian and FOB Taylor Branch on Monday? It was a little befuddling. At Clinton’s request, in 79 secret meetings over the course of Clinton’s presidency, Branch recorded interviews with Clinton about politics, policy, and occasionally personality. The purpose was to document an inside view of Clinton’s experience for posterity, although it’s obvious that since Clinton was the initiator and maintains control over the tapes, there’s inherent bias.

Still, from what I can tell, Clinton didn’t exactly expect Branch to write a book about the experience. Or did he? When Branch ran the galleys by the former president, Clinton didn’t say “WTF, Bro?” Instead he corrected a reference to the Premier of China, who is apparently actually the President. Weird, right? Wouldn’t you have said, “Hey, Buddy, could you have asked me about this a wee bit earlier? Just, I don’t know, because?”

What struck me most about the content of the interviews was Clinton’s reported response to Branch’s questions about Monica Lewinsky. Understandably, this was a painful topic, although one wishes it had been less awkward between friends. In any case, they did talk about it, and Clinton apparently said, “It happened at a time when I was feeling sorry for myself.”

To be explicit, it happened twice, at two different times when he was feeling sorry for himself, since he took up with Lewinski, then stopped, and then took up with her again about a year later. (Branch looked back at the tapes to see what was happening politically during the affair, and indeed, Clinton was going through difficult periods, either as a result of political losses or attacks by the Right.)

Okay, so. On the one hand, it makes sense that Clinton acted out when he was feeling sorry for himself. And it’s better than hearing that things were honky-dory and he went ahead and had an affair with an intern anyway, because who is he then? But when I’m feeling sorry for myself, I a) cry; b) talk to my husband; c) talk to my friends; d) talk to a therapist; e) journal; f) meditate, etc. You know, there are tools.

Yes, Clinton’s situation was unique in the world—nobody is under as much pressure as the President of the United States—and I don’t doubt that his feelings were large in response. I mean, in no way do I challenge his suffering. I’m just humbly suggesting that a therapist might have been a good idea.

As I muddled this on Monday, I realized something that every therapist must know: So much of history has been acting out. Perhaps if more of us had been given tools for dealing with feelings, fewer of us would be doing stupid things that have a huge impact on the world.